The need to forget
by pumpkinnubbin
Summary: The last case had been a nightmare; a living hell. She just wants to forget. She wants him to make her forget.


_Geez, I'm writing and updating for The Mentalist like I haven't in ages! This is awesome and truly inspiring :D But don't get too used to it, lol.  
><em>_Anyway, this is my first try at an M rated Jisbon fanfic, so I'm really nervous about it. I'm not sure I got the angsty all that good but I gotta say, I really like this and I think I didn't do half bad._ _Hopefully you'll agree with me._ Ju_st leave me a line or two at the end, please :)  
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_**Disclamer:**_ I wish I owned the show or anything else but this fanfic but that's just not gonna happen...sadly.

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><p>He felt horrible. So horrible. The last week had been a nightmare; a living hell. He hadn't felt like that since that day.<p>

God, that case. She had actually thrown up during the investigation a few times. It had been hard enough to contain herself at the crime scene, luckily, somehow she had managed. The victim had been a little girl, not older than 10, chopped into pieces and raped with a knife. She had never seen anything quite like that and nothing had prepared the team for it.

She didn't have the right words to explain it. Jane hadn't either and that was quite something. Lisbon couldn't remember him ever looking as bad as during this case. Him and anyone else, her included, for that matter.

At least it was over now. She'd never been so glad about a closed case.

Lisbon sighed as she finished the report. It was late, her team had long been gone; she had ordered them to get out and go home; but as she let her eyes wander over the as good as empty bullpen, she spotted him on the leather couch.

He wasn't sleeping. He couldn't. He would only invite the nightmare in if he tried. The others had left a while ago but he had nowhere else to go. His house seemed out of the question and his motel room wasn't much of a better choice, either. His couch here was the best option. Perhaps he could move to the attic later but right now, Jane didn't want to move at all. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even hear the footsteps approaching. Only when the very familiar and somehow strangely defeated voice rang through his ears, he snapped out of it and looked up.

"Come home with me." It wasn't a question or a statement or an order. It was a request.

She looked tired, defeated and drained. She knew that he would spend the night at the CBI but she didn't want him to. She didn't want to be alone like the night before and she had a feeling that he didn't either. He didn't ask any questions when he got up; he didn't say anything at all. Under different circumstances the lack of teasing, banter and wiseass remarks would make her worry. Now it only showed her just how affected he was himself. Not even his usual smile could be found on his face. She had hoped it would be there. It somehow always managed to comfort her, give her hope that it would get better. But not this time.

They walked to the elevator in silence but something inside Jane snapped as soon as the doors closed behind them and he suddenly turned towards her and before she knew what was happening, she was crushed flat against his chest; his arms tight around her. Lisbon groaned when he held her even stronger. She could barely breathe anymore but at that moment she didn't care a bit. She lifted her arms and wrapped them around him, clinging onto him as if her life depended on it and in some way it did. They held onto each other for dear life until the doors opened again.

The car ride to her apartment was filled with silence. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward but they didn't know what to say even if they had wanted to speak. For now, they were appreciating the fact that the other one was well and with them. They needed that, far more than they knew.

A while later they reached her apartment and kept silent as they entered. She dropped her things after she heard him close the door and she froze where she was. Jane wasn't entirely sure what to do next. He kept where he was for a few moments before breathing deeply and stepping closer to her. She still had her back turned to him but she could hear him move towards her. He slowly slid his arms around her waist from behind and she stiffened briefly, not expecting the gestures. Jane took another step to her so that her back was pressed against his chest and slowly she relaxed.

"Jane..." She sounded so powerless. He didn't like it, one bit.

He couldn't help himself. He leaned closer and placed an almost tender kiss to her neck, right under her ear. She shuddered under his touch.

"Do you want a drink?" He whispered against her skin and she nodded.

While he took the liberty to roam through her kitchen cabinets in order to find the strongest stuff she had, Lisbon made her way over to the couch, falling on it. She needed more than one drink tonight. He came back a few minutes later with a bottle of vodka. He didn't bother to get them glasses. He waved it in front of her face when he realized that she had spaced out, much like he had earlier that day.

"Perfect."

She tried to give him a smile but she failed miserable. He handed her the bottle and she gladly took a huge sip out of it. She gave it back to him when he sat down on the couch next to her and he, too, drank out of it.

Sometime later, the bottle was almost empty, she got up and walked over to her window, trying not to run into anything. She was a little drunk and she hadn't felt better all week. It was pathetic. Jane hadn't been drinking that much in years. After a few more minutes of simply watching her, he followed her, stopping right behind her. Then she suddenly turned around, her eyes defeated and her body and spirit so much smaller than what he was used to. He was about to say something when she spoke.

"Fuck me. Just tonight. I need to... forget."

Jane stared at her expressionless at first. Had she seriously just asked him to fuck her? They were both drunk and emotionally more than just exhausted.

But he wanted to forget, too.

He kissed her neck down to her collarbone and she closed her eyes. Slowly, he unbuttoned her shirt but she grabbed his hands, effectively stopping him.

"Don't... Not... not like this. I can't. Please... Don't be so...tender."

She was begging him. She had never begged for anything in her life before. Lisbon could work with everything, usually. But tonight; tonight she couldn't go with soft or tender or loving. It was too much and not enough at the same time. She heeded him to fuck her senseless, despite the alcohol already in her system or whatever other argument they could come up with. She needed this and maybe it would help the both of them.

The rest of her buttons flew off as he ripped her shirt open and pushed it off of her shoulder, exposing her delicate skin. A second later Jane had gotten rid of her bra as well and he was kissing his way down to her breasts, licking over her already hardening nipples.

Lisbon started crying. She was actually crying. She hadn't done so in years but now she simply couldn't help herself anymore. It was too much. She had gotten through the whole week- the whole damn case but everyone had their breaking point and she had just reached hers. With him by her side. He didn't look up. He knew she was crying; he could hear it and feel her soft sobs trembling throughout her whole body. He wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. They needed this. And he knew that she didn't want him to stop; knew that she wasn't crying because of this but because of everything that had happened that last week.

He was nuzzling her skin, making her shiver. His hands found their way to the zipper of her pants and with one swift movement it was open and the pants dragged down her legs. Jane scraped his teeth back up her leg and she shivered, grabbing his hair almost violently. She tugged him up to her again and started ripping off his shirt after getting rid of his vest first. Jane bit down on her shoulder, making her cry out loud in pleasure in pain. His pants followed shortly and she knelt down in front of him, eying his erection through his boxers and she couldn't help the small but sad smile before pulling the rest of his clothes down as well. He pulled her up, not wanting what she was going to offer and do. She moaned when he shoved her hard against the window, somehow her panties were on the floor already (when did that happen?) He really did have magical hands it seemed. He was touching her everywhere, she didn't know where to focus on.

They didn't talk, both too afraid of it. This was good; this was what they needed- drunk or not- but talking would bring them back to where they were and what they were doing. Talking was bad so they simply didn't. He wouldn't have been able to help her if he tried his tricks on her this time. He wouldn't have been able to sooth, calm or comfort her in any other way. He couldn't and he wasn't sure she would let him try in the first place. But he could now; touching her, fucking her.

He pushed into her suddenly and she threw her head back, hitting the glas behind her hard. Jane bit down on her exposed neck again and again, a bit harder each time. She moaned and clung onto him as he thrust into her hard and set his pace. Her head hurt from the impact with the window and his thrusts hurt but she didn't give the slightest damn. It took her mind off and this was exactly what she wanted and needed.

She moved against him, wanting more of him when his moves became faster and he set a new pace. He kissed her neck and bit into it from time to time, letting his tongue swipe over the places to sooth her skin. Lisbon's nails trailed down his back, leaving small but bloody marks that would remind him of this later.

Jane thrust into her a few more times before he came with her and then collapsed onto her, breathing heavily. She could barely hold him up and after a while he became too heavy and they both slid down on the floor. She didn't move under him, only wiggled a little when he pulled out of her. She was physically exhausted now, it felt great. She would fall asleep soon and if nightmares would come to get her, she could still count on Jane, being there with her to make her forget again. And she would be there for him if he woke up again hunted by another bad dream. They wouldn't be going anywhere that night.

Jane was already asleep when she decided to look at him again. She wanted to move, get away from him and the emotional aspect of what they had just done but she couldn't bring herself to do so. She could sleep in his arms, just for tonight. It didn't have to mean anything.

They could deal with whatever consequences may come up in the morning.


End file.
